Surviving a party or family get together

The good news is that I survived the holidays just fine. The holiday season is rough for many of us, from the expectations we have for ourselves to the physical reality of getting through gruelingly long days. Here is a list of the little things I do, that hopefully can help anyone make it through a long, stressful day.

Photo by Emre Kuzu on
  1. Stake out a quiet corner, preferably with a comfy chair. You don’t have to stand up and be circulating all the time. If you are brave, take a chair into the middle of the action. Not so brave? Pick a quiet corner and let the party come to you.
  2. Let other people do things for you. They can get you a drink or bring you a napkin. Many of us feel like we are burdens to others – but often that’s just in our heads. People love to help, but they don’t know how. It’s up to you to give them instructions.
  3. Take a minute when you need it. If you are getting overwhelmed, close your eyes and just breathe in and out for a minute. Focus on your breathing and not on anything around you. Sure, folks might think you are odd – but, really, don’t they think that already.
  4. Celery. When people gather there is a pressure to munch on snack food. And, yes, it’s great to try the cookies. But many of us cannot handle too much sugary or fatty food. (They tie to inflammation). My friends know that I always appreciate a bowl of celery, cut short – the size of popcorn. You will certainly find other people who want a break from the sweetness. Cucumbers and (actual) popcorn are also great snacks to keep on hand.
  5. A pashmina scarf is great to have on hand. It’s my temperature regulator. I can take it on and off, tie it around my neck as a scarf, drape it over my shoulders as a shawl, or use it as a lap blanket. They are so soft, it also doubles a my comfort object that I can rub between my fingers when I get anxious.
Here is one nice pashmina. I like solid colors because they go with more outfits, but there are many patterned ones as well. Even guys can wear these if folded in half, long-ways, twice.

6. Lower your expectations of yourself. This time of year I always feel the pressure of doing things perfectly. It took a while for me to look around and see that others did not have that expectation of themselves. You do not need to bring the most gorgeous and tasty cake that ever existed to the party. Go for getting it done (in whatever state its done) or planning it enough in advance that you can pass it off to someone else if you cannot get it done. Or buy the cake if you need too – everyone has done it once in a while.

7. Remember you can run away if you need to. Or decline invitations. Or accept an invitation and not show up. (But send a text if you are able.) Miss Manners wasn’t writing about people with chronic pain. Sometimes you need to be a rebel and live by your own rules.


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